The story of Gizela - Afik Shiraz. Abinun Shmuel

"AMCHA" association

I returned from the trip to Germany when I was flooded with emotions and memories I had been pushing for many years: the train ride, Bergen-Belsen, everything came back to me intensely. In those days I had a therapist named Esther who worked for me for sixteen years. At the time she was in my house I could talk to her and so ease my thoughts, but from the moment I was alone the memories were unbearable. The night hours were the most difficult for me. The sound of soles pounding in the street, the noise of a passing motorcycle, these and more made me jump in bed with horror screams, because they reminded me of the SS. I talked about this with the daughter of my friend who was born in 1939 straight into the war. They did flee to Albania and did not experience the horror of the camps, but the harsh experiences of those years left her seal and hurt her nerves, so much so that she used to wake up at night with turdenan itch throughout the body that would only pass after a shower. I said to her that I don't know what to do with all the memories that have arisen and with the torment of conscience that plagued me for violating my vow and she said, "Go to ‘AMCHA’ association, they will help you." I've heard about this association in the past from my other friends, and I knew they help to Holocaust survivors. I decided to heed her advice and contact them. My first appointment was with Hani Oron, the Tel Aviv AMCHA manager at that time, and I had been in contact with the organization ever since. After this first meeting with Hani I met with the psychiatrist, Dr Greenblat, who prescribed me pills so I could stop screaming at night. At first I hesitated. I consulted my family doctor and she advised me to take them by saying, "They will help you to be happy." I started with a whole pill, and then reduced to half a pill and eventually I stopped completely. In addition to the drug treatment, I began to meet at home, once a week, with an AMCHA social worker that helped me overcome the mental distress. The first was Shiraz Afik, followed by Yael Bibring and currently I am in contact with Ron Cordonsky. At the beginning, I was afraid to open up and felt great distress that accompanied me at the end of each meeting, but over time I made good connections with the three of them and realized that the conversations with them relieved me, so that I could gradually speak more freely and without a feeling of suffocation. I'm still scared of hunger. The fear of being left without bread doesn't go away - in the freezer, in the fridge, I always have another loaf of bread, for sure. I say, "If nothing else then bread and some salt and I will sate”. It's a fear that still doesn't leave me. I don't eat a lot and I always say, "I only have one mouth and only one stomach", but bread must be. I still have recurring dreams, in which I run away, escaping my life, even after all these years. My subconscious is constantly thinking how to escape. But the throat crunch has faded a little over the years, and every now and then I can to testify to myself that I feel real joy.

53